In My Way

A few weeks ago my Pastor used this phrase from the 2002 movie The Four Feathers: "God put you in my way." Not only did he use the phrase he showed a clip of the aforementioned movie. I'm not a fan of movie clips used in church but this one worked well and everyone laughed. I even tweeted it.

It made me think of the people that are placed in my life. Could it be possible that they are "placed" there by God? Am I supposed to help them? Am I obligated to help them? To love them?

When I was in High School I looked for people that were weary and hurting to be placed in my path, and I had several friends that I eagerly anticipated them to confide in me. I had some friends that were really hurting with alcohol addiction, sexual abuse, serious medical issues, death of a friend, cutting and attempts at suicide. I wanted to help them; spent hours on the phone with them, thinking I was being so sacrificially loving towards them.

The reality is I wasn't so loving. I don't think I wanted them to heal or be transformed by God as much as I enjoyed this role as "helping" them. I looked forward to their phone calls, I looked forward to encouraging them.... until I entered college and realized that I was not helping them. My friend, after 3 years, was still struggling and I could not "fix" her. Oh, I still tried, until she began insisting that I was just ignoring my own problems. (what problems? And how would she even know?)

The thing is that I know I'm imperfect; I can list well over 100 areas where I fall short of being anywhere near perfect, and yet I suppose I always felt I wasn't "as bad" as my friends. I needed nothing. I did not even need God. I mean, of course, I needed God; I can quote scripture that states we all need a Saviour; but I lived like I did not NEED God. I had Him; He was with me but I did not live like I relied on Him because indeed, there was nothing THAT WRONG in my life that really required Him. Or so I thought.

There is a friend now in my life that is challenging me in a good way and I'm so resistant. I don't want to be an obstacle that is in her path that she's forced to deal with because God "put me in her path." I don't wish to frustrate her and I don't want to need her. I don't want to need anyone, and yet I look forward to her words of wisdom, and sometimes I'm even softened enough to really just want to cry, knowing what she says is truth, God's truth and then I quickly become prideful, not wanting to need anyone, not wanting to be in this position where she's helping me. I have always been the HELPER, not the one that needs help. It's hard for me to acknowledge that I need her help. To this, I'm sure she'd say that I don't need her help; I need God's help.... He's just put her in my path to facilitate that help. The question is if I'll push God away or yield to Him?

Does God put people in your path? Do you struggle with submission like I do? Do you wish to help others while you remain autonomous? Are your relationships with others a reciprocal relationship or is it all one sided? Do your friends really know you?

It Is Well

I have often joked that my spiritual decline happened when my beloved, favorite study Bible was stolen from my '67 Mustang. I know that wasn't the reason for my slow detachment to following Christ wholeheartedly (if I ever WAS following wholeheartedly) but it did seem to at least symbolically mark when I first realized I was letting things slide. I still never "fell away" in ways that are considered bad; it was just that I started not reading the Bible daily and I just knew things were not where it should be. I kinda thought I'd just "fix it" later. Of course, I never did.

Truly though, this Bible was so very special to me. I had won it in jr. high with a few others by memorizing verses, doing community outreaches (I scrubbed a shower, weeded a yard) and, my speciality: Perfect Attendance. It was a Thompson Chain Reference study Bible and I thought it was the best thing ever. Words can't describe how much I loved that Bible and how much I loved to study it. Subsequently I'd spend my allowance buying other study aids: commentaries, concordances, Bible dictionaries.... etc.

Although today I rarely write in books or my Bible, back then I'd highlight things, put dates next to favorite verses, recorded answers to prayer, favorite sermon notes and quotes, words to songs and hymns I loved. I traveled on drama tours out of state and would pick flowers, poppies, and rose petals and press the flowers in my Bible. It was filled with all kinds of surprises and they all meant so much to me!

I can't recall all the quotes, poems, sermon notes, and the like that were tucked away in that beloved Bible of my youth, and I know that perhaps I valued IT more than the words that in contained; I realize that. This past year I bought a new study Bible that I love. Have I written in it? Nope. Not sure I will but I still love it for what it contains, not my notes or memories.

The other night I was chatting with a friend about old hymns and the wonderful, inspiring stories that often accompany them. One of my favorite hymns is It Is Well With My Soul by Horatio Spafford, which of course, was one of the hymns written in my Bible.

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford

The touching part to me is that Horatio Spafford suffered many losses, the death of his son, the great Chicago Fire which ruined him financially. (he was a lawyer) Then in 1873 he was supposed to travel to Europe with his family via a ship but had to tend to business so his wife and 4 daughters went on ahead of him on this ship that sank while crossing the Atlantic. His daughters all died but his wife survived and sent him a now famous telegram that simply read "Saved alone." The story goes that he then traveled to meet his wife and en route on a ship to her, at the place where his daughters died, he wrote the words to this hymn.

Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

Care to share any of your thoughts?

That I Should Gain

As alluded to in a prior post, Charles Wesley wrote quite a number of famous hymns, perhaps the most famous is Hark the Herald Angels Sing, but in my early years attending a Baptist church we'd sing several Charles Wesley hymns. I'd always sit on the hard, wooden pew in this small, old church that smelled musty, with it's ancient red hymnals and blue Bibles in the little book holder on the back of the pew. It also provided tiny pencils that were seldom sharpened quite enough and tithe cards in which all kids would doodle on.

Back in those days (birth to 3rd grade) I'd attend this small church every Sunday with my Grandma and my Aunt. My mom hardly attended but that was even more reason for my grandma to scoop my brothers and I up every Sunday and transport us to her church. I have fond memories of my Grandma... she'd always have mints with her, always attend Sunday morning church, seemed to know the words to most hymns and ALWAYS sang them off-key in her slightly southern drawl. She was always dressed up for church and expected my brothers and I to dressed nicely as well.

I never truly felt like I fit in at this church; probably because it always seemed like it was my Grandma's church, not mine. Most kids attended with their parents but I always attended with my out-of-tune Grandma and my Aunt who taught Sunday School. Plus, I did not live in this church's neighborhood so I rarely did kid's choir or VBS though I always longed to do that. My cousins all did (and hated it) but I never got to.

After Monday's post of mentioning Charles Wesley I've had a few of his hymns in my mind. Today as I stepped on the scale I was happily shocked to be down a few pounds, and more notably, in a different number range than before. The first thing that came into my mind was the hymn, "Amazing Love". (And can it be that I should gain)

The opening strain is what reminds me of my weight: "And can it be that I should gain?" It normally doesn't seem to matter what I do; I always gain. I know that theoretically it's simple math: If I expend more calories that I consume then I'll lose weight and this can easily be attained through exercise or eating less. I'm not really into exercise I generally just try to eat less.... but for some strange reason, even if I hardly eat anything at all I don't lose much, if any weight. Of course, then I get discouraged because I'm seemingly being SO GOOD there should be some type of results from my efforts and there's none and then I just don't care and eat anything I want....... but when I'm being so good, I really do wonder: How can it be that I should gain?

I'm glad that I am in a lower number range right now but it's not a victory yet; I've been here a number of times this past year and never can get under 125, let alone back down to 110.I am happy that I stepped on the scale tonight because perhaps it will help motivate me to continue being good. The only problem is that one can't tell. I don't see any noticeable difference in the mirror and not sure my pant fit truly is very different. But perhaps 8 pounds is not a big enough number to truly reflect in the mirror. (and no; I did not lose 8 pounds in one day; this is over a couple of weeks)

I don't know why I gain so easily and it really doesn't make sense. Do you have things that you are trying to change that seem resistant? That by all rights and logic should be yielding results but aren't?

Oh, and an off topic question: Why is it that we seldom sing the third verse to most hymns? I know; hymns are seldom sung at all anymore but just the other week my church sang a hymn, one that I knew quite well and yet we did not sing the third verse. (and for some reason, I generally like the third verse but I think a big part of it is pride: I know my hymns. Even the third verse.)

But again: What are things in your life that by all accounts should yield results yet there's no actual, measurable result? What do you do about that? Try harder? Give up? Plan a different method?

The Land of Nod

I read this to my little girl tonight for bed out of a book that her Children's Pastor gave to her and interestingly it is a more updated version of the book that I would have read to me at bedtime as well, in a much older book with little doodles and scribbles all over it's pages. (yes, I wasn't always good to books) Enjoy.

The Land of Nod
by Robert Louis Stevenson

From Breakfast on through all the day
At home among my friends I stay,
But every night I go abroad
Afar into the land of Nod.

All by myself I have to go,
With none to tell me what to do--
All alone beside the streams
And up the mountain-sides of dreams.

The strangest things are there for me,
Both things to eat and things to see,
And many frightening sights abroad
Till morning in the land of Nod.

Try as I like to find the way,
I never can get back by day,
Nor can remember plain and clear
The curious music that I hear.

Surrender

"Over and over again the Holy Spirit brings us to the place which in evangelical language is called "full surrender." Remember what full surrender is. It is not giving up this thing and that, but the deliberate giving up of my right to my individual self. As long as we are slaves to our ideas of individuality we distort the presentation of our Lord's teaching about discipleship."

Oswald Chambers, The Servant as His Lord

Surrender

"Over and over again the Holy Spirit brings us to the place which in evangelical language is called "full surrender." Remember what full surrender is. It is not giving up this thing and that, but the deliberate giving up of my right to my individual self. As long as we are slaves to our ideas of individuality we distort the presentation of our Lord's teaching about discipleship."

Oswald Chambers, The Servant as His Lord

Be More Vile

As some of you may know, I've been reading a book about the history of Christianity and it's really quite interesting. One thing that amazes me is how God can (and does) use the imperfect, but that could easily be the subject of another post. What I want to address is to submit to be more vile.

"At four in the afternoon I submitted to be more vile, and proclaimed in the highways the glad tidings of salvation, speaking from a little eminence in a ground adjoining to the city, to about three thousand people. The scriptures on which I spoke was this (is it possible any one should be ignorant that it is fulfilled in every true minister of Christ?), "The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He hath anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor. He hath sent Me to heal the broken-hearted; to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind; to set at liberty them that are bruised, to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord."
John Wesley

I just find that it's interesting all the books that are written about doing things and reaching people outside of the church building. I agree that premise but I find it interesting in reading history how it's not a new idea and that many great men of God fully believed that the gospel is for the poor, enslaved, captive, bruised, and broken-hearted among us. In England at the time preaching was only done in a church on Sundays; not out in a field in the open air. By preaching outdoors John Wesley and George Whitefield could reach people that might not enter through the church's doors. Add to that George Whitefield's influence on the Great Awakening and all the tent revivals and outdoor preaching done at that time by him and others and one can say that God does great things when we, His people, are obedient. Inside and outside the institutions of the church.

I forgot to mention: Charles Wesley is John Wesley's brother. Does the name Charles Wesley sound familiar?