Grace Notes

In the past few days I've thought quite a bit about grace. It's still a mystery to me. What truly is it? How does one come to grace in daily relationships and interactions? Is grace just a "free pass" to do anything we want? (I think Romans 6 makes it clear that isn't the case)

Still, the amazing thing is grace is always more abundant than sin. It is inexhaustible. I love that and yet, still struggle with this concept. Doesn't grace demand something? Remorse? A resolve to be better? Should we still expect consequences or are they truly erased?

It's a paradox to me.

To some, grace means we shouldn't impose our expectations on others, yet how is that possible? How can faith survive without some semblance of order, accountability and truth to uphold?

The "grace" I'm most familiar with baffles me. It's rarely truthful; instead it's just avoidance of addressing what one expects or desires but chooses to keep silent about. We're told to speak truth in love but doesn't "speaking truth" denote judgment? And don't we all believe judging others is wrong and not a characteristic of love and grace?

Grace is beautiful, wondrous and mysterious; it heals and restores, values and makes right. Is the law a demand to fill expectations? Or is it a way of expressing the joy and beauty of grace to choose to live in obedience and holy, righteous living? Shouldn't grace free us to and compel us to fill expectations? Not abandon them?

I struggle with this concept of grace because like CS Lewis states everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely concept except when we have something to forgive.

When I was growing up I heard it say that one of the biggest objections to going to church or hearing about Christianity was because it was full of hypocrites; those demanding excellence from others but not themselves..... but nowadays do we even demand excellence from ourselves? And from others?

I'd love to know your thoughts on grace, living right, and if it's right to have expectations of others.

Sex, Lies And Religion by Randy Elrod

I'm a day behind. I was supposed to put up a review of Randy Elrod's book Sex, Lies and Religion but it's been difficult for me to express what I gleaned from or felt about this book, mostly because it's a difficult subject. In fact, I had a hard time writing Sex, Lies and Religion as the title of this blog post!

I suppose I've just proven one of Mr. Elrod's points, because I am one that grew up in church and am uncomfortable with this subject. I know this is not the way God intended and I shouldn't be and so I force myself to talk about issues of this nature when it comes up, knowing that it's not a "bad" thing. I don't even believe it's a "bad" thing; yet I still feel a bit uncomfortable candidly addressing it.

I don't know why I agreed to review this book. I think a part of it was curiosity and the fact that I participated in Randy Elrod's "Sex Survey" several months ago, and follow him on twitter. Perhaps a part was knowing, intellectually, that this is not a taboo subject, and yet here I am, having a hard time writing a review!

Mr. Elrod deals with several topics about sex and spirituality in a straightforward yet sensitive, even beautiful manner. I was struck by his use of words and ideas that have stuck with me, one being the idea that we long for God with all our being; our whole body and this longing is built into us, for the purpose of knowing God and being fulfilled by Him. I think most Christians are quick to say that in Christ alone we find satisfaction, but it's a bit uncomfortable to talk about how sexuality and spiritually are entwined at the very root of existence. I enjoyed his view on art, nudity, and beauty, yet other topics I had a harder time with. I'm not sure if it's because I truly disagree with them or if I'm just uncomfortable with them.

This book stretched me in many ways; I had to keep reminding myself I was a married adult and to look at this all objectively yet I wonder if this is a subject that can't just be viewed as an intellectual exercise. As he purports later, there is a intrinsically felt, emotional part of faith that is deep, mysterious and even "sensual". This book has also reminded me of what Grace truly is and it's redemptive power. It was a good reminder to see that all of us are reaching out for God's grace, whether we know it or not. It's what we long for above all and we search to find it.

I'm the absolute worst person to review a book like this. It has challenged me deeply, provoked me to thought and questions. It has made me re-think certain beliefs I have and has also brought me up in arms insisting that certain parts of faith are not the way he paints it.

Yet for that very reason I recommend this book. Will you agree with everything? I'm not sure. Will you see things differently, question things? If you are like me, you definitely will. As Mr. Elrod states in his book, some will find this tame, some shocking. For me, I don't think I thought it was "shocking" but I did find it uncomfortable at times..... but in a good way.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from cre:ate 2.0 Publishing to read and post a review on my site. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255

A Lifelong Love....... Reading!

Saturday our local library reopened after having been torn down and rebuilt over 2 years ago. Yesterday I took my kids to get a few books and replace their very old, unreadable library cards. Katie was so thrilled with the idea of going to a library and getting her own library card.

Our new library is a simple, utilitarian structure with high ceilings and lots of light. All the books are brand new. I've always loved the library, loved checking out book after book. I grew up in close proximity to a library and would spend many hours there after school, choosing books about nature, biographies, and fiction, even very old fiction. I loved mysteries and biographies but I'd read all books. I loved science and art. Does anyone else remember Ed Emberley's thumbprint drawing book? I'd spend hours perusing his books. I was never a good artist but did enjoy the creativity.

The library, for me, was a sense of freedom and joy. I could easily lose myself for hours there. It was a safe haven for me. Books have always been something that I loved; I could learn so much, be inspired, see beauty, and be entertained for hours. The library was exciting; reading was exciting.

So you can imagine the thrill of breathing in the aroma of a brand new library filled with thousands of brand new books! And as wonderful as that was, it was nothing in comparison to the joy and excitement I felt re-introducing my kids to the library. I've often wondered how I'd feel if my kids did not LOVE reading the way I did; I hold reading in utmost esteem. What if my kids disliked it? I am so very passionate about learning and reading, and I love to share and impart this passion to my kids. It's a lifelong love that is invaluable in my opinion.

I need not worry; my kids LOVE books and love to read. It's a ritual that can't be missed in our home: Bedtime stories. (usually read by David) The plea of "just one more."..... Catching the oldest in his top bunk reading by flashlight until the wee hours of the night. How can one dissuade reading? I once did the exact same thing. It's so hard to put a good book down!

We went to the library yesterday. My kids are already clamoring to go again today.

I don't think I have to worry about them having a passion for reading!

Easily Missed

I went for a bike ride today after learning that when David works out he burns around a thousand calories an hour, at least according to his little heart rate monitor and software. Of course, he exerts a lot of energy. I don't.

Still, he encouraged me to go on an hour bike ride. Sounded simple; 30 minutes out, 30 minutes back. How hard is that? I agreed and after his nearly 10 mile run, we switched places and I went out on my bike.

I meant to grab some water but forgot, however I DID bring something equally important: my iPhone. It makes sense because I left with no spare tube or tools or even the knowledge to fix a flat tire, so my phone was absolutely essential. Besides, I decided to use it to listen to music.

My ride started out good. It's amazing how much I actually saw riding a bike rather than driving in a car. My thoughts seemed clearer on a bike and though I was still amazingly tense, I have to say that I felt like I as beginning to relax. Later I realized I wasn't so relaxed.... I grip my handlebars so tightly!

On my way out I passed by a little church advertising free family movie night every 2nd Saturday of the month. I wondered how it was doing with that; were they bringing in families from the neighborhood? Was it for the church goers to build community by enjoying a good time together? Did they have people critical of the type of movies they played? (because even "G" rated movies I can easily find fault with!)

Then as I went passed this little white, traditional looking church, I saw that right across the street was a house that sustained fire damage. I wondered if the church was helping this family, regardless of if the people attended. I rode on but wondered.

As I got out a bit further, open fields replaced houses, I saw a beautiful mountainside with tall green grass intermittent with bright yellow mustard flowers. The trees were uniquely shaped and had no leaves; it looked so beautiful. I wished I could take photos there, really appreciated it's beauty. Again, something so easily missed by being in a car.

Before the Big Hill that is perhaps only "big" to me, I heard the ding of my iPhone going off. Ah, an email! Of course, I should ignore it but I'm so curious so I stop. This was a bad decision, because though I felt I was doing pretty good, as soon as I dismounted off the bike I instantly felt nauseous and lightheaded. I couldn't figure out what to do first: Throw up or pass out? So I did neither. I just sad down which began to help both feelings subside. I shakily got on my bike and have to admit, I felt pretty dizzy for the next several minutes. I was tempted not to climb Big Hill since I only had 7 minutes before needing to turn around to go home, and yet I HAD to make it to the top of this tiny Big Hill. So I did. Of course, then I had to go down a ways because it felt so good to go fast. I failed to realize that by doing so I'd just have another incline to face on the way back home.

I will admit that coming home, I was quite slow. Instead of focusing on pushing myself of going faster I just wanted to get home.

On my way home, I of course almost got in an accident, and I again saw things I'd not be aware of if I wasn't on a bike. I saw a flyer asking if I'd seen a teenage runaway boy. I said a quick prayer for him also, wondering if the family went to church, if they had people in their life to be with them, helping them. That the boy would be safe and return soon.

I was happy to be home, and David eagerly asked how my ride was. I said slow. I took off the heart rate monitor and he looked at my results. It's pretty disheartening. I was out there for over an hour and, well, basically David can run faster than I can bike! How sad is that? I was also saddened to see that I don't burn 1,000 calories an hour..... it was substantially less! David enjoyed analyzing my results, noting when I got stuck at a light, where I went, average speed, average heart rate. He sent me out saying to try to keep my HR under 150 but that was impossible. I seemed to average closer to the high 160's..... supposedly one time spiking to 191 but I don't recall noticing that.

Will I bike again? I think so. It was a nice hour; I enjoyed the time of reflection and solitude. I enjoyed being alone with my wandering thoughts and questions, without being in front of a computer. It was just a bit easier to let my thoughts go rather than demand an answer for them.

I kinda liked it.

Life Together

“God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, sets up his own law, and judges the brethren and God Himself accordingly. He stands adamant, a living reproach to all others in the circle of brethren.”

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

Wrestling with Questions

As a church goer all my life, I consider myself pretty well versed in the Old and New Testament. Of course, some of my OT knowledge has a bit more of a "fairy tale" quality to it, because looking back at some of the favorite Children's Bible stories makes me realize it wasn't quite the simple, sanitized versions I learned in Sunday school.

If you are up for a challenge, I encourage you to reflect back on what Sunday School taught you about the story of Jacob and Esau. Most of the things I learned were more moral centered.

Yet when I look at this story, I now see a lot of questions. How could God favor Jacob? And inside the womb, before he was even born God decided that the older would serve the younger. Before he even did anything to secure a Esau's birthright or trick his father into bestowing him the blessing.

Then there's the whole fact that God favored someone that deceived. And blessed him for it/in spite of it!

I have heard that this is a story of God's grace and yet I don't get it. To favor one means to not favor the other, so while grace and blessing was bestowed upon Jacob, what about Esau?

Yes, Jacob struggled and had to wrestle with God for his blessing.... but what does that mean? What does it mean that he had to wrestle with God for his blessing?

A simple children's story has filled me with numerous questions. Yet I think the most difficult to grasp is God's grace.

Reflect

I did not want to wake up this morning. My kids were up by 7, my oldest had gotten himself dressed and made himself breakfast within 20 minutes. I did not see this, but I know it happened. Somewhere along the line my very easygoing child that I once had to remind every 10 minutes to get dressed, brush teeth, etc. decided that he wanted to be autonomous. (I do admit: I still have to bug him about staying focused on his homework)

My middle child is learning from Conor's example. He too was up early, dressed and would have poured himself a bowl of cereal as well but all we had was "healthy" cereal and that's not appealing so he asked Daddy if he'd make eggs. He knows enough not to ask me. I don't make breakfast and when I do it never turns out as good as David's.

When it was nearing the time to head out to school I noticed it was slightly drizzling. So slightly. The news said a 30% chance of rain. I began walking to school, Katie's little hand in mine, pointing out all the wonders to behold during our short walk to school. We saw a squirrel and later her friend. Passed by some road construction digging holes. I smugly looked at the line of cars and was so happy that I lived close enough to walk my children to school rather than be in the line to drop them off or find a place to park.

Then it started raining. Not a big deal. I tucked the book I brought with me in my jacket. (I have a terrible habit of reading my book and walking after I drop off the kids) Then it really began raining, and I was not prepared. No rain jacket, no good shoes for the weather, no umbrella. Nothing. Katie did not mind. She did not even have her hood on and was instead sticking her tongue out in an attempt to taste the rain. I laughed. We finally got close to the classroom door, she said bye and hugged me and walked so confidently in. I stayed by the door, just watching her as she took her chair off the table, starting taking off her backpack and her jacket to prepare for school. The other kids were also doing the same and some were already reading silently and looking at books. I was amazed in some ways how my baby, this little 5 year old, could be so grown up?

As I lingered at the doorway, catching this fleeting glimpse of Katie, she turned, gave me a quick wave and almost a puzzled look like why am I still there? I smiled and left, near tears realizing how quickly time goes by. I already miss her.

Sounds pretty silly.

As I turned to walk home I realized that tucked inside the book I was protecting was a Daisy Scout cookie order form. I was sternly warned via email that the form was due today and MUST be turned in that morning!!! Luckily the person's house was close, but still added some time on my walk. I decided it would be quicker to go home a different way. By this time the rain was pretty heavy and I realized there was nothing I could do but enjoy it.

So I did. it's amazing the change in perspective. All of the sudden I was completely tuned into things I hadn't noticed: the gentle sound of the rain, the smell, how beautiful it paints reflections, more beautiful and "watercolor-y" than the original. I wished I had my camera. I always wish I had my camera when it rains and of course cameras don't like rain. But I did appreciate the sights, sounds, smell of the rain. The silence. The solitude. I felt like I was the only person around and it was beautiful.

Now I'm home and reflective. I think rain encourages reflection on one's life. On what is important. It gives one pause to think and appreciate. I'm quite thankful every day doesn't contain rain but I am thrilled with rain. Even when it happens and I'm not prepared.

Beauty.