Farewell

Farewell Hostess cakes! I will miss you; I think even the super healthy, snack-hating people will miss you. You were Childhood, all wrapped up in plastic. You were the most coveted item a child could tote in their lunchbox. You were a status symbol. You were envied. You were.....

Simply yummy.

Once upon a time in the town I grew up in there was a little Bakery Outlet. I think it was for Dolly Madison foods and Orowheat breads. Going in there was such a treat! But never for the stale bread; I loved going there for only one thing: Zingers.

Though Twinkies and Ding Dongs, Sno-Balls, cupcakes and Suzi Q cakes were always delicious and something I wouldn't turn down, the snack I loved the most was Zingers. Not sure it it was the frosting or that it seemed to contain more creamy filling than the Hostess varieties of Twinkies, Ding Dongs, etc, but I LOVED Zingers. My favorite was the Vanilla cake, followed by Raspberry, and then the Chocolate, but they were all amazing. I nearly cherished these cakes, slowly eating them in a very ritualized, systematic way. But something happened and the little bakery outlet seemed to no longer sell Zingers. I had to move onto something else.

Ho Hos.

In high school I discovered a bit of freedom: the freedom of purchasing whatever I wanted for lunch. I never sat in the cafeteria; I always hid out in a band practice room or with some nerd upperclassmen who ate lunch in a classroom with a chess board. I've never learned how to play chess but for whatever reason they welcomed me. I'd go stand in line in the snack area and about 90% of my 4 years of high school I ate the same thing every day: Ho Ho's and a can of Diet Coke. Nothing else. No "healthy" hamburger, or salad or slice of pizza. Just the Ho-Hos, washed down with the best soft drink ever: Diet Coke.  (and when I did deviate from the Ho-Ho's it was to eat french fries with nacho cheese on 'em).

The proper way to eat a Ho Ho is to take all the outer chocolate off. Then, you unfurl the rolled up cake layers with all the cream on it and S-L-O-W-L-Y tear off small bits of it to eat. This makes it last longer. And the best part of  Ho-Hos?  Unlike Twinkies or Cupcakes, it came with 3 cakes, not just 2. It was perfect. I don't think my parents knew that I ate such a lunch for four years, and even when I went away to college it was a favorite.

I slowly moved away from solely eating Ho-Ho's and diet coke. But then a few years ago I rediscovered Zingers. The Raspberry ones were the most rare and difficult to find. I wonder if it is because it was the least favorite of folks. Because it really didn't taste anything like raspberry. Or even coconut. It tasted like chemicals, but in such a sweet, good way. And because it was completely covered by the coconut, the inside cake seemed even more moist than those of the Vanilla and Chocolate varieties. And the Raspberry ones didn't go as perfectly with the Diet Coke like the other two varieties did.

They say someone will resurrect the brand of Twinkies and Ding Dongs. That's good, but my hope is that Zingers will once again find their way on supermarket shelves. Or, if not Zingers, please keep Ho-Hos. Yes, these cakes are everything that is wrong with society and a balanced diet and all that, but it is also Childhood. The carefree days where you could eat a 3 pack of Ho-Ho's and not even be concerned.

Farewell, my sweet, delicious snack cakes! My kids will never know you as I did. And that's probably a good thing. But I will miss you.

Question of the Day

Do you think that the "closer" you draw to Christ, the less you see things in black and white and the more you see things in grey? What I mean is, does the distinctions of "right and wrong" fade to a more open attitude about that and is less important?

Dance instead of Doubt

I love Sally Lloyd-Jones The Jesus Storybook Bible Of course, so do my children. That book makes my voice crack when I read it to them, my eyes often mist up.

Sometimes I even sob

Simple, basic truths but told in such a touching way. So simple. So mind blowing. And this is a Children's book that has me on my face, sometimes in questioning awe: is His love that great?

I'm a self professed questioner but I can't deny God. I can't deny His existence, and, though I am oft-times lacking in faith, I haven't been able to deny that He really is working in my life.

Since I love the Jesus Storybook Bible, I looked forward to her new release, a book of devotions for kids. I haven't read it all yet, as it just arrived yesterday. Already the stories are beautiful and the prose beautifully written. Because of my own doubts and questions and a desire to truly follow God instead of the questions, cynicism and skepticism, I thought I'd supplement my own reading with this book. Keep in mind, that I'm reading through the Bible, and I often, near exclusively, read non-fiction Christian books. Lots of them. I gobble books. Classics like C. S. Lewis, old dead puritans, and the newer releases too. One would think that with this steady diet of good books by some amazing theologians I'd be a super christian.

I'm not. I still live in doubts and questions.

By choice, as I'm realizing more fully.

In the foreword of Sally Lloyd-Jones Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing, Tim Keller (one of my absolute favorite authors....  so much so, that it borders on idol worship, if I am honest and his book Counterfeit Gods probably heightened that!) wrote this:

"Somehow, however, the experiential side of a relationship with God is often neglected, so that by the time children are teens, they are woefully lopsided - long on information, but short on experience of God's presence." 

I'm lopsided! I could use a HUGE dose of experiencing God vs. doctrine and knowledge about Him. I need to see God in my life more, to not only know His love but experience it.

So, I thought, though I am (just) over 40, I'd read this book with myself in mind, prayerfully being open. And that sounds so odd..... being "open" to teaching from a child's book!

But I am.

I'd love to type out the devotion that I read today that I am putting at the forefront of my mind, but that would probably be frowned upon, to write out a whole devotion. But basically, it was a reminder that it is sin to put myself in the center instead of God.

Small words but huge implication. It is so easy to put me in the center. To abide by my own selfishness. So easy and you become numb to it, this sin.

Today I choose to participate in this "Dance of Joy" by orbiting God, not putting myself in the center and demanding life circle around me and my timetable, desires, and questions.

Day One

I'm a Christian but I don't always act like it. Sometimes I don't even want to act like it. Sometimes "being a Christian" (to me) seems to be to turn off your brain, talk in a language of religiosity and be perpetually happy with a "come what may" attitude that seems to make no sense. I just feel there must be more. Maybe that attitude is from Christ. I don't know.

I know God is sovereign, but sometimes do we really do Him any favors by perpetually trying to explain his sovereignty? Why is it so often fit into what we want? How can we really know what He wants? In the same scenario, what God wants can easily be deciphered in either direction. I've heard so many decisions explained away with a spiritual component. How do they know?

And I have become a jaded cynic. Does God truly speak today? Does he actually reveal our paths?

Sometimes it seems so ugly; so ungodly. Sometimes I want to shake people and say, "do you realize what you're saying?"

I long to make sense of God, but sometimes I think we try too hard. I think I'd rather let God be one of mystery than one that fits so neatly into a box of my choosing. Because I usually choose wrong.

I've spent four years in the Questions. I've spent 4 years in Angst, trying to figure out God and myself. And I actually emerged more entrenched in the questions and refusing to trade them, even for Christ Himself. I've refused Him so I could keep my questions.

Keep my non-conformist ways.

Keep an arms length from Christianity, the Christianity that I find fault with. That is imperfect. That is, at times, misguided and wrong and heartbreaking.

But what I chose was worse. The questions have eaten me up. Become my identity. My misery.

I've heard that it is all a choice but I've refused that. How can it be a mere choice? Isn't that of our own doing? Where's God in my choices?

My decision to treat someone kindly when I don't feel like it.

But.... isn't that what Christ asks me to do? So isn't that...... obedience? What if it is all obedience? What if it is trading what I want, what is easier to me, for what I already know I should do? What is even, at times, common sense.

I don't know my answers, but today my prayer was "more of You, less of me". In EVERYTHING. In my exchange with a woman at McDonalds. Outside with my neighbors, being chatty when I didn't feel chatty. Lunch with a friend I love., and a great, open honest conversation with her. (okay, that was easy). In my Community Group, a place where (at times) I can play a role of a rebel brat, even though I'm the leader of the group. Let that go, and just genuinely listened to them. And.... it was great. I smiled. I was happy. I liked it.

But my biggest fear is: Is God really in this? Am I finding happiness in Him or just this change in behavior? How can I know it is God, not me going through the motions, OR... is this "going through the motions" what we call "obedience"?

Yes, I over think things.

An Obedient Rebel

I'm an obedient rebel. Sounds like an oxymoron; 2 things that can't exist at the same time. And maybe that's true. Maybe one can't actually be obedient and a rebel at the same time. But I thought so. Basically, it is just enough to rebel and refuse submitting an surrendering all to Christ, but still do all the outward things.

Perhaps a better word for it is a hypocrite? I think I like the term obedient rebel a lot more and to me, it truly reflects it better. No one wants to be a hypocrite. No one starts out with that in mind. But obedient rebellion, that's different. Because at least on some level you started on a journey of desiring to do the right thing. You even want to do the right thing. Sometimes. Plus, on obedient rebel is simply too scared of the consequences of true rebellion; so they obey. But not for God; not out of a reverent love and acknowledgement of who He is and who we in turn are. No real surrender and understanding that He is the Creator and I the creature.

Obedient rebels go through the motion.
Obedient rebels are involved in (too many) church programs.
Obedient rebels can be your most valuable "doer" in the church.

But inside, the rebellion is a quiet one against God. A refusal to submit. To give him 100%.

Sometimes I think it is even "trendy" or acceptable to be an obedient rebel. Obedient rebels question. And I'm not saying questions are bad; I am saying that it is easier to question and hide behind the questions and pointing out the imperfections.

What do you think? How would you define "obedient rebellion"? How have you rebelled? In loud ways or quiet ways? Do you regret your rebellion? I nearly thought it was safe - this obedient rebellion -- but now I know it isn't save. It hurts me. It hurts those around me. It might even hurt those around me more than by explicit rebellion.

What do you think? Is any rebellion against God "safe"?

Why?

There's a part of me that is a skeptic. Oh, I believe in God and all the "essentials". But I doubt. I question. I look around and observe and wonder if certain things truly are true then..... why?

Why do we believe differently?

If the Holy Spirit convicts and there really is absolute truth then why do we all believe different truths? Like what is a sin and what is not? Like how to think and act? Like how to understand Scripture?

Why do we put our own brand of Christianity and call it "truth"? A Christianity that reflects us and what we want and how we want to view God. Is this true Christianity? Does it even matter?

Why do some trivialize God by forcing him to fit into their answers .

I used to think what we believed was important but now.... not so sure. So many of the folks I know that truly passionately love God don't obey Him. Don't read the Bible, don't know Him in that type of way but feel they know him through their emotions. Through their touchy-feely worship songs.

In the words of U2, "I still haven't found what I'm looking for."

Thoughts on The Southern Foodie

The Southern Foodie is a cookbook that highlights famous restaurants in the South and includes recipes for the chef to try at home. Because I don't live anywhere near the south, and I don't know a lot of famous restaurants, it didn't interest me as much as it might some. I haven't yet tried the recipes; I am more of a quick cook and many of the recipes (for me) seemed a bit more time-consuming. The recipes sound wonderful and the photographs are stunning.

If you love good Southern food and are familiar with some of the restaurants, you will love this book. Since I'm not a very accomplished food and southern food isn't my favorite, this recipe book didn't interest me that much.

I received this book from Booksneeze and was not required to write a positive review.