Before and After

When I think of "before and after" I think of radical transformation; like a person who lost a ton of weight or a hair and make-up or clothing make over. Maybe even something new out of something old, like the show "Extreme Home Makeover". Regardless, I generally tend to view the "after" picture better than the "before" photo. We always want something better; something newer and improved.

I also find it interesting that when one sees the advertisements for weight loss supplements or to sell exercise equipment, the "before" photo is always an unedited "snapshot" in which the person is wearing no make up, hair messy or at least not styled. The lighting of the photo is dim and off, with shadows and just a harsh look to it. Usually the person is wearing unflattering clothes.... but in the "after" shot, hair and make up are professionally done, the person is now wearing stylish clothing, smiling, better posture, better lighting, and of course, they are transformed to the image is being sold. David, my husband, constantly laughs at infomercials where the really fit guy or gal with lots of muscles says that "just 20 minutes of day" will produce this body. Ummmm..... no. They may have used that equipment for 20 minutes a day but they surely also ran many miles, modified their diet and did a bunch of other exercise to achieve the look they are purporting to have achieved by that diet or that exercise regime or machine alone.... and at 20 minutes a day too!

Now here you may wonder if I'm going to use an analogy of this to our spiritual life of expecting us to know and love God while only doing five minutes of prayer or scripture reading a day. Nope. I'm going in a different direction.

BEFORE

Three years ago I did not own my Macintosh laptop. Nope; we just had a very old PC that's hard drive had given up twice, loosing all my not backed up data. (the 2nd time we did retrieve most of it) I spent a few hours at most on the computer mostly just organizing, downloading and editing photos. Email was designed to inform me of things, not to carry on a conversation. We owned one desktop and it was shared by all. I checked my email maybe twice a day and rarely if ever bought things online.

AFTER

Today as I was driving to a park to run with my friend Kris. (for me "run" is a code word for "walk") I realized I had not brought my iphone. Not a big deal, right? But I missed it. As I drove to the park I kept noticing this urge, more like a slow twitch to keep glancing at my hand, where my iPhone usually is. As I drove I realized I could not check my email. I could not look up blog posts, I just really missed it. Not even a year ago I had an old phone, with a black and white screen that cold only do phone calls and texting (but I never texted) and displayed the time. Now my options are nearly endless.
This is my after: even on my phone I can order a book online through Amazon with just a click of the touch screen. I can read a whole book that I downloaded for free. It organizes and schedules my life, reminds me of things, tells me the weather, I can look up any bible verse in any language and any translation! Check my facebook, blogs, get directions, listen to music, twitter, GPS,... I can do so much with this phone; an extension of my computer at home. I once spent maybe 2 hours online or on my computer "before" and now I have access to it at stoplights, the grocery store, the park. Anywhere. Instant communication; instant knowledge. I love it.

Now, perhaps this is not a better "after" image. Perhaps I had more free time before I was enslaved and had so many options available to me, but would I have filled my life with such stuff anyways?

When I was younger I hated being bored. I'd carry around a backpack that was my life. It did not matter how much it weighed; the though of being without it and the potential of boredom was not something I wanted to face. I had to have a notebook and a pencil or pen. Had to carry at least one book with me. I enjoyed markers and crayons. I'd bring maybe a dozen CD's with me and my portable CD player with me everywhere. In many regards, this is what I carry with me now, only in a much more compact and better format.

I can blame this all on technology, and there's great things as well as bad things to technology. I hear often that people are finding it "good" and therapeutic to unplug now and then and set aside dedicated time to NOT engage in things online. I am trying to understand that, but in the end I am responsible for my choices. Even if I "unplug" what am I plugging in to? If I choose to not read a book or a blog online, am I reading a paper book instead? If I'm not shopping online, am I at the mall? If I'm not instant chatting with a friend, am I on the phone instead? Is one method inferior to the other or just easier to be distracted in front of a computer screen?

I do love my life "after" with my wonderful computer and iPhone. But is it better because I have dressed it up to look better? Is it more alike than I'd care to admit? Do I waste more time or save more time by this wonderful technology addiction? Has it facilitated relationships in a better way than my "before" life and methods of interaction? Is email the same as regular mail?

Is that old quote the more things remain the same the more they change or the more things change to more they remain the same? Plus c'est la meme chose, plus ca change? What do you think?

God Be The Glory!

By now you may think I'm a hymn nut. I'm not! But I have sweet small-child memories of growing up in a musty, old baptist church with fond memories of my Grandma... and for some reason, I can't get rid of these hymns in my mind! But they are beautiful. Some of them are rich in theology; some are a bit off but still well regarded. (Can you name a few hymns that purport a doctrine or theology you disagree with?)

Anyways, as I was writing yesterday's post this hymn came in my mind. To God be the Glory! Written in the 1800s by a woman named Fanny Crosby It's said that she wrote 8,000 hymns! That's incredible! But more incredible (to me) is he story. She's blind because of a treatment given as an infant that left her permanently blind. When she was around a year old, her father died and she was raised by her mother and grandmother. Her caregivers, determined that Fanny be self sufficient, had her memorize long passages of scripture (some accounts say the entire Bible) to exercise her mind.

According to Wickipedia, she wrote (or rather, dictated) these words when she was 8 years old:

Oh what a happy soul I am,
Although I cannot see;
I am resolved that in this world
Contented I will be.
How many blessings I enjoy,
That other people don't;
To weep and sigh because I'm blind,
I cannot, and I won't."

She's also quoted to be thankful for her blindness, counting it a blessing and a gift since it enabled her to see the beauty of God rather than distracted by other earthly beauty. She also is credited of saying, " when I get to heaven, the first face that shall ever gladden my sight will be that of my Savior!"

Other familiar (to me) hymns written by her include: Blessed Assurance, Near the Cross, Safe in the Arms of Jesus, among many others.

To God Be The Glory!

To God be the glory, great things He has done;
So loved He the world that He gave us His Son,
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,
And opened the life gate that all may go in.

Refrain:
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the earth hear His voice!
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the people rejoice!
O come to the Father, through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory, great things He has done.

O perfect redemption, the purchase of blood,
To every believer the promise of God;
The vilest offender who truly believes,
That moment from Jesus a pardon receives.
(Refrain)

Great things He has taught us, great things He has done,
And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son;
But purer, and higher, and greater will be
Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.
(Refrain)

Soli Deo Gloria

I put this on my facebook the other day and told my friend Maxine that I was going to convert her into the "dark side of Calvinism". I was teasing; If I really wanted to convert her to Calvinism I'd school her in TULIP.

Soli Deo gloria is part of the five solas that are latin terms used in the time of the Protestant Reformation. The complete list is:

1 Sola scriptura ("by Scripture alone")
2 Sola fide ("by faith alone")
3 Sola gratia ("by grace alone")
4 Solus Christus or Solo Christo ("Christ alone" or "through Christ alone")
5 Soli Deo gloria ("glory to God alone")

Some of you that are friends may know that I have a lot of questions and I seek a lot of answers but very seldom are the answers I get satisfactory. Many feel that I should not waste my time contemplating things; what matters is loving God and loving others. Some are fine with my quest for answers but remind me that God is infinite and we are finite; God is mysterious and we can't comprehend Him. I agree; and yet doesn't He want to be known? Doesn't He reveal Himself through scripture? Doesn't He want us to seek Him and know Him? But of course, it's true: God is too big to contain, too big to understand and any understanding I'd even achieve comes through Him and His grace; not by my own endeavors.

So why do I question?

I've been thinking a lot about a series of questions, trying to figure out why and how things happen. I've wrestled so much and so long and finally am coming to the conclusion that I should have come to many, many months ago: God is sovereign and everything that exists and transpires is all to bring glory to Him.

In this "Me" centered world, that's a tough concept but to me, it's the only thing that makes sense. Even in bad things, things that we can't fathom why, could the answer be that even in bad things God is glorified? When bad things happen they can point us to God.... and He is glorified. When good things happen; to God be the glory! I was reading a blog this morning of a new blogger frieind going through a bad time and she kept repeating this phrase: Praise Him! In her joys, Praise Him! In her sorrow: Praise Him! Why? Simply because He is worthy of our praise.

Soli Deo gloria. For the Glory of God alone.

Painful Discoveries

I'm sitting here, tired and hurt. Oh, I hurt! Every time I get up I want to pass out! I'm sitting here waiting for my husband to get home. I have already phoned him to whine and complain and all he had to say was "that's great!"

That's GREAT? I'm in pain, I'm hurting.... I'm literally sick! All from a mere one hour of running/walking (mostly walking) The advice he gives: Take some advil and be sure to go for a bike ride tomorrow. A BIKE RIDE? Didn't he hear me? I'm sore! I'm tired! I'll be even more sore tomorrow and he thinks I should go for a bike ride!

It figures. Meet my Husband. For whatever ails you, exercise is the answer. Have a cold? A run will help clean out the congestion. Hurt muscles? A run or ride will stretch and strengthen it. Stressed, anxious or sad? Again: The answer is EXERCISE. Tired? EXERCISE Grrrrr...

So now he's home and chuckling at me. I'm angry: he has no idea how much pain I'm in and he insists he's been there but I don't believe him.

See, my husband is AMAZING. He's one of those naturally gifted athletes. One always hears that "anyone can do it" but I'm really unconvinced. I read blogs about people that set out to do marathons or other physical endeavors and I really believe that they are special. I KNOW my husband is special. He's will say it's still determination and hard work. He'll say that there are days he doesn't FEEL like working out but he's still DIFFERENT. First of all, he's always in good shape. He is over 6 feet tall and I don't believe he's weighed over 168 pounds in his life. He was an gifted soccer player in his youth, well rated long distance track and field runner in high school, rowed stroke in college on a very fast crew boat with men that were "heavyweights" and had a lot of power.... strength-to-weight ratio he was amazing. Great surfer that picked up the sport effortlessly, impressive waterskier even though he rarely skis, agile rock climber, skilled snow skier, windsurfer.... basically he can do any and every sport relatively well without much effort. Add a bit of effort and his capability and possibility is amazing! Plus, he LOVES this stuff! (I don't love any physical exercise!) He'd rather bike to work than take his car, he loves to ride his bike. In fact, as I type this (and he has no idea what I'm writing) he just randomly informed me that he rode his bike 22 miles today and ran 6 miles. See? He's crazy. And happy.

He always comes home stress free thanks to his bike rides and lunchtime runs. But I still don't believe that he suffers like I suffered today, and I still maintain that some people are just "special". I do think it's easier for some of us than others, and David is one of the special ones: Gifted with incredible vision, focus, pain tolerance. determination, and the ability to push himself. I have to admit, I'm in awe of my husband. And he's happy that I went on a 2 mile run that I mostly walked on and had a heart rate of 194. He's HAPPY I'm in pain right now.

And I still love him.

Ready To Die

A few days ago I posted about weight. I generally don't like exercise so I simply avoid it but a friend of mine posted on facebook she was going to start running and I said I'd like to join her. That was 3 weeks ago. I got the running shoes but they stayed in a box. At church we finally made a date to "run" together. (she's been running for the past 3 weeks because she's amazing)

I don't know who was more excited this morning. Actually, I think I do know that because I was definitely NOT excited about running this morning but my husband was excited for me. I'm sure he thought I'd find an excuse to not go. Eagerly he pulled out his Garmin Forerunner GPS/heart rate monitor for me so I could keep track of my pace, distance and heart rate. I protested but he thought it'd be so helpful so I agreed to wear it.

I dropped my kids off at school and hopped in the car to meet my friend Kris. She was already running when I got there and we walked and chatted for a bit before running. I have never been a runner. I have perhaps only run in High School and I am pretty sure I managed to weasel my way out of it most of the time. I simply can't run. But we did. She explained that I needed to set short goals and then reevaluate once there. Okay. I can do that. I put on my headphones, listening to U2's Zoo station and when it got to the lyric "ready to dive" I thought for sure it said "ready to die". Indeed, I think I was ready to die. But I trudged on, then walked, then attempted to run again. I'm sure I did more walking than running! Looked at my recorded heart rate and it said I as at 193 beats per minute. Hmmmmmm.... David said I should keep it under 150 but I was over 150 just by walking fast! Kris mentioned that her heart rate also runs high so we continued on. I really had a hard time but Kris was quite encouraging saying that she was similar 3 weeks ago but now is doing better and in a few weeks I'd be able to do more as well.

I hope so. A group of us are doing a (small) run at the beginning of October. Not sure I'll be ready then but I hope too! If nothing else, at least I made my husband happy for the day.

I'm looking for music that is good to run to. Any suggestions?

Giddy

Giddy. Isn't it a funny word? It's interesting how words can have multiple meanings. Since I have children my first thought of the word "giddy" is in context to a play stick horse and imaginative play. According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary "giddy" can mean dizzy, causing dizziness, whirling rapidly, or lighthearted, silly, frivolous, joyfully elated: euphoric.

Well, I'm not talking about being dizzy or foolish or frivolous; I'm talking about being joyfully elated or euphoric. Why you may ask am I elated? The short answers is BOOKS!

This afternoon I attended a dear friend's BBQ swim party. I always enjoy this special friend's company but when she has small or large parties it is really special because she invites people that I love but normally don't spend a lot of time with. I'm not sure WHY I don't spend a lot of time with them, but I don't. It's interesting also because they all attend her church except my family. Actually now that I think about it, it's pretty neat she invites me at all, though most of these folks I also know since we went to the same church several years ago.

So, as much as I enjoyed being with this fun group of friends, what has made me giddy is that one of my friends loaned me several books on church history and Martin Luther. I can't wait to dive into them but I was good and resisted the urge to be anti-social and read at this party. My friend also brought me her photos of her trip to Europe: Wittenburg's Castle Church, Wartburg Castle, etc. She recounted some of the places she visited on a reformation tour; obviously this friend of mine knows quite a bit of church history. Actually, she's quite brilliant; when I traveled to the Christian Book Expo in Texas back in March I had purchased a children's book of famous people that did great things for God. Actually, some of them (in my opinion) were not that famous. At the end of the book was a quiz on each person. Without reading about the person she was able to answer nearly all the questions! Here's a sample based on the chapter on Susannah Spurgeon: What did Susannah send to ministers who earned less than L150 a year? or What presents did Susannah ask Charles to get her one day? " Amazingly, from her own reading prior she's know all the answers. It was fun and a bit uncanny the tidbits of little details she could remember. So... this wonderful, knowledgeable friend loaned me 8 books on Christian history, the reformation, Martin Luther, etc.
THAT is why I'm so giddy! Titles include:

The Legacy of Sovereign Joy by John Piper
The Reformers and the Theology of the Reformation by William Cunningham
The God Who Justifies by James R. White
Here I Stand: A Life of Martin Luther
Pages From Church History by Stephen J. Nichols
The Reformation for Armchair Theologians by Glenn S. Sunshine
Luther for Armchair Theologians by Steven Paulson
Table Talk by Martin Luther

Oooooh, all I can say is thank you, Friend, for loaning me your books!

Yep. I'm definitely giddy!

The Heart of a Child

A few weeks ago my church gave us the wonderful opportunity to sponsor a child through Compassion International. I suspected that there would not be enough children to satisfy the demand so I chose to wait. Sure enough, all 25 children were quickly sponsored. I wasn't too worried, as I knew I could sponsor a child online or wait until the church received more profiles of children who were needing sponsorship.

I luckily was asked to help with the Compassion International table this morning. I was quite excited about it. Not sure exactly why. On a basic level I just like having something to do. On a deeper level, I do care for a ministry such as this one. On a more superficial level, I'd probably do anything this friend of mine asked, just to help her or the church out.

My wonderful friend thought it'd be a great idea to separate them into boys and girls and even put them in order of age. I scoffed at her (in jest) and later she laughed at me when so many came up wanting a specific aged child! I suppose she was right in the extra effort it took to group them by age and gender.

As I was putting them in order I realized that this was a great opportunity to choose a child for my family. I picked out two girls that were about Katie's age for her to choose from. I wanted them to be similar to Katie and they were: Kindergarteners who enjoyed helping out their mom and dad with chores, loved playing with dolls, and the most important thing: She had to be wearing a dress. Katie has quite a penchant for dresses. (and the frillier the better!)

In my mind, I thought she'd choose a little girl named Sara who wore a blue dress with a flower on it, but instead she chose a little girl in a more traditional dress. They both were beautiful girls. After she chose little Ayoko she wanted to hold her picture, and went all around church showing everyone her new friend. I thought it was really sweet.

Then we went to lunch with some friends. Katie did not want to let go of Ayoko's photo. She asked if she could go to Ayoko's house to play. I tried to explain to her that Ayoko lived in a different country, far away from her. She still did not get it and asked if she'd see Ayoko at church. Again, I patiently tried to explain the whole concept of living very far away, but we could write to her and maybe send her stickers and a photo of our family. Excitement once again shone in her face as she tried to think what type of princess sticker Ayoko would like best: Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty (a.k.a. Princess Aurora or Briar Rose..... surely you know Sleeping Beauty's real names!)

At dinner tonight Katie wanted to pray. (She always wants to pray aloud at meals) She used to pray long prayers thanking God for everything in sight as well as the things she holds near and dear to her: Ladybugs, turtles, flowers, etc. Ever since my church's KSK (VBS) program she's a bit more focused in her prayers and she ALWAYS thanks Him for the day, herself/ourself, Her family, food, the Bible, the day, and tonight she thanked God for her new friend Ayoko. (though she couldn't quite pronounce it well)

I love the simplicity, gratitude and joy that my kids have for God. There is such a limited understanding and yet it doesn't matter; they somehow trust that their God is a great and kind God. One that loves them. it's fun to listen to their "theological" conversations of how God can be everywhere and why God wants them to obey parents. (really; it's all quite cute) Katie delights in God's creation. They know that God is the Creator and it's pretty funny that they believe that God made EVERYTHING: Cars, their Bible, toys, etc. Reid asked me the other day how God made his Bible and we had quite an interesting discussion about the BIble.

It's official: According to Katie, Ayoko is now one of our family; her sister and friend. It doesn't seem to phase her that Ayoko and her look nothing alike. It's really cool how none of my kids have ever seemed to even notice differences in skin tones or race. Of course, I'm sure it's that way since they are familiar with diversity and cultures. It really makes me smile the love they have for others and just the simplicity and love found in the heart of a child.

Ayoko, I hope you like princess stickers!

PS. I did not feel right posting Ayoko's photo so instead here's Katie dressed up as a princess. The first one is her pretending to be The Little Mermaid. (Ariel) The 2nd is just a fun one of her in princess garb. Her lip looks funny because she had stitches in it.