Saturday, October 20, 2012

Dance instead of Doubt

I love Sally Lloyd-Jones The Jesus Storybook Bible Of course, so do my children. That book makes my voice crack when I read it to them, my eyes often mist up.

Sometimes I even sob

Simple, basic truths but told in such a touching way. So simple. So mind blowing. And this is a Children's book that has me on my face, sometimes in questioning awe: is His love that great?

I'm a self professed questioner but I can't deny God. I can't deny His existence, and, though I am oft-times lacking in faith, I haven't been able to deny that He really is working in my life.

Since I love the Jesus Storybook Bible, I looked forward to her new release, a book of devotions for kids. I haven't read it all yet, as it just arrived yesterday. Already the stories are beautiful and the prose beautifully written. Because of my own doubts and questions and a desire to truly follow God instead of the questions, cynicism and skepticism, I thought I'd supplement my own reading with this book. Keep in mind, that I'm reading through the Bible, and I often, near exclusively, read non-fiction Christian books. Lots of them. I gobble books. Classics like C. S. Lewis, old dead puritans, and the newer releases too. One would think that with this steady diet of good books by some amazing theologians I'd be a super christian.

I'm not. I still live in doubts and questions.

By choice, as I'm realizing more fully.

In the foreword of Sally Lloyd-Jones Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing, Tim Keller (one of my absolute favorite authors....  so much so, that it borders on idol worship, if I am honest and his book Counterfeit Gods probably heightened that!) wrote this:

"Somehow, however, the experiential side of a relationship with God is often neglected, so that by the time children are teens, they are woefully lopsided - long on information, but short on experience of God's presence." 

I'm lopsided! I could use a HUGE dose of experiencing God vs. doctrine and knowledge about Him. I need to see God in my life more, to not only know His love but experience it.

So, I thought, though I am (just) over 40, I'd read this book with myself in mind, prayerfully being open. And that sounds so odd..... being "open" to teaching from a child's book!

But I am.

I'd love to type out the devotion that I read today that I am putting at the forefront of my mind, but that would probably be frowned upon, to write out a whole devotion. But basically, it was a reminder that it is sin to put myself in the center instead of God.

Small words but huge implication. It is so easy to put me in the center. To abide by my own selfishness. So easy and you become numb to it, this sin.

Today I choose to participate in this "Dance of Joy" by orbiting God, not putting myself in the center and demanding life circle around me and my timetable, desires, and questions.

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