Today is the beginning of the last year of my 30's. Wow. I don't feel so old.
A few days ago I was feeling a bit sad about my birthday. Not so much because I'm old..... more so because I felt an absence of friendship.
I'm an introvert. Supposedly 75% of the world's population is extroverted, so I'm in the minority. I did not quite fully realize I was such an introvert until last year. I'm also melancholy. I personally find this a bad combination and I truly rebelled against the label of "melancholy" for several weeks before realizing it actually explained a lot, and even helped to realize that's just me and I view the world and have expectations that others may not share.
Take friendships. You are not my friend. Well, if you read this blog, you probably are because I seem to connect better and more easily with folks through my writing. But the people I see every Sunday, I don't call them friends. We may be nice to each other, hug each other, but if that is the extent to the interaction, I don't truly think of them as friends
In fact, I have levels of friendship; oh yes! It is sadly complex! But there are people that I truly do love and feel connected with and risk more of myself with.
Yesterday I was dreading today. It bothered me that even my "good' friends would either forget it was my birthday, or just respond t it exactly as a friend I haven't talked to since high schooler did: Though a one sentence facebook sentiment. It made me quite sad.
Yet I was wrong; Today the facebook comments made me happy and content. Some were funny, some sweet. Some were a bit more personal, and that emphasized the depth of my friendship with them. I really enjoyed seeing even those that I rarely talk with wishing me a happy birthday. I actually felt special.
Of course, I still laughed that the only birthday card I got in the mail was from my insurance agent! And I laughed even harder this morning when the only phone call I got was again from my insurance agent, noting I'd been with the company for over 10 years.
Did I have a perfect birthday? By other standards, no. As I type this my husband is away doing something for a dear friend that had to be done tonight. He was genuinely sorry for having to leave. (he'll make it up to me; I've no doubt) My kids made me a cake and frosted it themselves. I have to admit: I generally don't like to eat things that they make and I'm not even sure they washed their hands before putting the sprinkles on the cake, but I ate it anyway and loved being with them. My five year old made me card after card and story upon story for my birthday.
I'm happy. It's going to be a great year!
PS. The photo is the lone card from my insurance agent that I got in the mail. :-)
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Horray. I'm the first comment to this entry! I really connected with what you had to say about friendship. I've been feeling the lack of friendship lately and wondered if it was mostly about my personality or if it had more to do with being a busy mom surrounded by other busy moms/women in a very busy culture. I sometimes long for simplicity where connection among people is easier. But now look at me going on and on. I should get my own blog...
ReplyDeleteI do want to wish you a happy birthday weekend! It was fun spending time with you today.You are a fun person to be around and though you may describe yourself as meloncholy, I see you as super positive and engaging. In fact, you are one of the most interesting women I know. You're very complex, deep and like I said, engaging! I do hope your friends and family make you feel special this weekend, cuz' you are!
Cheryl,
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it's so hard to connect with others because our time is so precious and there is so many demands on us already. (family, chores, etc.)
For me, I wonder if I'm reluctant to invite someone to spend time with me because of rejection or because I don't want to impose and be just another burden to someone. I think we desire connection but feel there is too little time to follow through with that. I don't know!
Thanks for commenting and your encouragement. And, though I love and welcome your comments, I think you should get a blog. I know I'd love to read it!
Thanks for your friendship and I find you a truly special, radiant friend that I so enjoy.