There Is a Difference

I'm training for a triathlon. I've spent the last several months at the gym, attempting to get in shape.

I'm still not in shape, but I'm definitely better. Before I could barely swim 2 laps and now I can do about 40. I started a spin class right after Thanksgiving and it is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm getting better there too, as before I couldn't stand up and now I can. (barely)

I still have a long way to go.... I can't even run a quarter of a mile yet. I'm scared of taking out my new road bike.... those thin wheels, the clip-in pedals.... the fact that crashing is inevitable and this bike is twice the cost of my first car, a used 1967 Mustang.

I've never been an athlete; I'll never be an athlete. There is a difference between a triathlete and someone who has participated in a triathlon. I thought that maybe if I did an international distance tri that it will make me feel more "real" but I've come to the conclusion that it won't. I'll be able to say I did it, but will never be able to say I'm an athlete or a triathlete, no matter how many races I attempt. I don't belong in this group.

Yet, I am committed to doing this small sprint. It looks like my friend and I have chosen to do the Silicon Valley Sprint Triathlon. David warns me that there is one steep hill section on the bike, but that I can do it. (If I practice!) He still sounds dubious.

Or maybe I'm not yet committed.... I still haven't registered and paid my money. But I must do this. Not sure exactly why I must except that I said I would and feel I must. But if I am hoping this makes me any better, or a real triathlete, I already know that I'm mistaken. Nothing will change who I am,, no accomplishment, no amount of effort or outward change of appearance will change who I am. And athlete I am not.