Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Keeping the Peace?

Peace. What is it? According to the Merriam Webster online dictionary it can be defined as the following:

"1: a state of tranquillity or quiet: as a: freedom from civil disturbance b: a state of security or order within a community provided for by law or custom
2: freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions
3: harmony in personal relations
4 a: a state or period of mutual concord between governments b: a pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war or in a state of enmity
5—used interjectionally to ask for silence or calm or as a greeting or farewell
— at peace : in a state of concord or tranquillity"

I never watch Jon and Kate Plus Eight but how can one not know what's going on? The talk of the state of their marriage has been a big deal now for weeks, if not months. A quick peruse through an online chat community comes up with this consensus:

Jon is a jerk
Kate is difficult to live with.
People hate Jon for leaving his wife and kids.

The thing that strikes me on this (nearly all female) chat board is that the majority of woman would support another woman in her decision to divorce if she was unhappy. Why? Because no one should live in a loveless marriage. She should be free to pursue her happiness and not be stuck with someone who doesn't deserve her. Yet, the general consensus of this chat board was the Jon was at fault; he was simply being immature and selfish for leaving his wife and kids. Again, I do not watch the show. I have no idea what transpired or the details of their decision to separate.

It saddens me they can't work it out. It hurts me that Christians put people in the spotlight as role models because they attend church and don't believe in abortion, and then get so upset and sad when they turn out to be imperfect. It's just sad. It would have been really great if they had decided to do marriage counseling. Perhaps they did. It would have been wonderful to have seen their church community rally around to support and love them during this horrible time.
I don't know the issues Jon and Kate are facing. I did listen to a part of a tape and heard Jon and Kate state over and over that for the sake of peace, they needed to divorce. It's not good for the kids to live in a home where they are arguing, since they can't even be cordial to each other.

Why can't they? Why can't they be cordial to each other? How can a family have 8 kids, be married for 10 years and decide its not working? That they no longer love each other? I know; it happens all the time. I have heard the same argument: For the sake of the kids, we need a divorce. It's not good for the kids...... Yeah, but is divorce good for the kids either? Can't people work it out? On the chat board I belong to many are stating that so many studies show that its better to come from a divorced background where both parents are cordial to each other than to live in a home of constant bickering and unhappiness. I have read that though that can be true in high conflict marriages, in the majority of low conflict marriages divorce has far more devastating effects. I guess we can pick and choose whatever study we'd like to support our position.

As a Christian, it bothers me even more that they are Christians as well and can't work things out and seemingly aren't even fighting to work things out. I know; I have no idea what has transpired. I am not supposed to judge but it still saddens me. On one of the online chat boards someone posted this:

"They should be ashamed of themselves, what type of Christian behavior have they displayed to their children? What I hate are hypocritical religious types like Kate who treat people like garbage. Tell me how that's in any way a reflection of God. (I'm not religious by the way.) "

It's so sad. I am sure it is exponentially more difficult to live life in the public eye. It's just sad that the horrible stories are so publicized while the good stories of faithfulness seem to be out of the limelight. I hate the bumper sticker mentality of some that say when something like this happens, "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven". I know Christians aren't perfect. I know I am not perfect, and by God's grace He loves me anyways and I can repent and find forgiveness in Him. I know that. I guess it just saddens me that we are called to holiness: Salt and Light, and yet according to George Barna in his book Revolution, "The likelihood of a married couple who are born-again churchgoers getting divorced is the same as couples who are not disciples of Jesus."

So sad. I don't like divorce.

Peace. What is it? Is it worth this high of price in this situation?

UPDATE: I hate rumors and don't really tune into them but it seems the web is abuzz with speculation and perhaps proof that Jon was having an affair. So sad.

1 comment:

  1. We have watched some of Jon & Kate , but not "religously." A friend of ours, and a female, commented on Facebook this morning, "XXXXX thinks Jon Gosselin is a douche. Anyone see his new ear-piercings?" I thought ear piercings was an odd reason to think this of a person, so asked her if she really thought this way. Her response was "yes, HE cheated, and the ear-rings, really?" Wow, I'm glad she has such insight into the complete reason for their seperation!

    I am suprised at the quick rush to judge either Jon or Kate based on what little of their lives we see, in edited format, on TV or in the media. I have my opinion, but that doesn't matter. The fact that a home is disrupted so severely is so so sad. I do think that sometimes maybe divorce is the answer, but those times are the exception not the norm. I hope the best for the Gosselins.

    We do need to be careful of how we put anyone on a pedastel, and make them incapable of having fault. Having role models is great, but we have to be very careful, because those same role models are humans with their own short comings. I have my failings, and I hope that I never cause someone to have their faith damaged by my faults. Thankfully I'm not in public eye, at least not high profile postion like the Gosselins.

    We as Christians need to be quicker to support each other and less quick to judge! Just as we do not really know what Kate and Jon have gone through, or what they have or have not tried to do to work things out, we so often don't know the details of ones going through tough times in their home.

    Victoria, you make such a great point about showing times of faithfullness, and about how it would be nice to see their church communtiy reaching out to them, both of them, in this time of real need!