I don't know about you but I have such a hard time with the concept of sovereignty. It is one thing to trust God, but I can't understand how free will of us, broken, flawed creatures and His sovereignty coexist. How can it be that if he doesn't impose His will on us and we are free to choose disobedience, can I fully trust that God is in control and rest in His sovereignty? Doesn't free will rob Him of power? How can I trust that He is involved in my situation? That doors that are "closed" are because He closed it? How can I be safe and secure that He is in control when I really at times doubt how this can possibly be?
Can our mistakes, disobedience, somehow still end in the result He desires? Can we thwart His plans?
I've been told I need to let my questions, my doubts go and rest in His sovereignty; then I'll be content.
If I could really believe that everything happens for a reason and God is in control, I could be content. But this whole concept of free will gets in the way. Did I mess up? Did another mess things up? How can God make everything right when we keep getting in the way?
To put my mind at ease I'm reading Scripture and going back over a study I was involved in. I'll leave you with something positive other than these strange random questions of mine.
"All that came into being exists for Christ - that is, everything exists to display the greatness of Christ. Nothing -nothing! - in the universe exists for its own sake. Everything- from the bottom of the oceans to the top of the mountains, from the smallest particle to the biggest star, from the most boring school subject to the most fascinating science, from the ugliest cockroach to the most beautiful human, from the greatest saint to the most wicked genocidal dictator - everything that exists, exists to make the greatness of Christ more fully known - including you, and the person you have the hardest time liking."
John Piper, Spectacular Sins: And their Global Purpose in the Glory of Christ, page 33.