I shouldn't have gone tonight. I was supposed to go to a Spin exercise class with 2 friends but they both had to bow out at the last minute leaving me with a dilemma: To go or not to go?
I wanted to go. I had anticipated it all week... but I was scared to go by myself.
I've never felt comfortable at a gym. I'm not strong, I'm not thin and I'm so far from perfect it is scary. I always feel that everyone else is perfect. I also hate going in to an environment where I know I'm going to fail.
So.... not sure why I still went tonight.
I nearly left....I was so out of place and knew nothing. The stationary bike was configured for someone else and I did not even know how to change it, and even if I did.... I had no idea what "ideal" looked like. My heart was pounding even before the class began. Happily, a woman from my church was there too, and even warned me that Dan's class was difficult.
That's the other part. I wasn't sure if it would be easier or harder to attend a class that was lead by my pastor, but the time worked for me (I had looked into another spin class my friend Kristin attends). I realized I was scared to go to any class and I had to get over that fear so what better than attend this class?
I was wrong, and yet..... it was okay. I just went in knowing that I knew nothing. I knew I'd be horrible at it..... and I was. I felt like I was going to throw up. I couldn't do anything Dan called out to do.... in fact, I was told that I should just do what I can at my own pace. (said after there was NO WAY I could stand up and sit down and stand up while cycling) So I did the best I could..... even though it was pitiful and I wanted to stop.
There's a part of me happy that I went tonight... alone. It was difficult just going through the doors. I did something that was uncomfortable and something I'm horrible at..... and I survived. I was dripping in sweat wanting to die, but I at least tried.
I'm supposed to get a bike this Christmas, but after today's spin class I joked to David to skip the bike and get me an iPad. It was tough, and I really don't think that a person like me will ever be fit enough to do a triathlon or even endure a spin class. Friends tell me that it will get better but seriously..... I don't believe them. I've never been sports oriented.... and I really do think that I should stick to the things I'm good at.
There's just one problem....I really do want to at least get fit... even if I'm really awful at it.