I don't really think about my life much, and when I do, I'd never describe it as "perfect." I look around me and compare with others: how much "better" their houses are, how much more money they make, how better at decorating they are, how better a parent someone is, how thin and in shape.... I could go on and on.
As I sit here, my house is in shambles. We're putting in new flooring and its not all in yet. Maybe after the weekend. Our walls are freshly painted and looking at them I wish the color was a tad bit darker. I want new furniture. We need new windows. I have a list of things that "I want."
Today I read a blog I go to now and then. It is written by a med student who writes poignant, beautiful and oftentimes sad posts. Sad because they deal with kids and neglect, sickness and dying. And the absolute beauty and frailty of life that plagues us all.
As she recounted the story of a little girl, entering kindergarten who went for a well child check up and the doctor saw something in her eye, later operated on but left with severe disabilities, the mom recounting it was supposed to be just a check up, with plans to purchase a lunchbox afterwards.
For some reason, it hit me so hard. Perhaps it is because I have a 5 year old daughter who just completed kindergarten and know that one of the delights of school is picking out a lunch pail. It is a big deal. Perhaps it hurts me because this family's life changed in an instant: from the normal exciting milestones to an altered life and set of expectations. Perhaps it hurts me because I realize I take my healthy kids for granted every day.
I do. I think things will never change. But they could.
Right now I'm thankful. Thankful for Katie's smiles, hair bows and affinity for twirly dresses. I'm thankful for her loud voice, even though I so often tell her to hush. Oh, what a sweet voice she has, how come I find it so annoying at times? Her little hand in mine as we traverse the few blocks to school together and how she wants me to blow kisses to her as she enters the classroom with her friends.
And my boys; healthy and fun loving. They drive me crazy too but there is such a deep love towards them! Reid and his stubbornness that causes me to clench my teeth... it is that persistence that fuels his athleticism. Conor and his love for reading and figuring things out.... how he talks so much that I tend to tune him out. I'm thankful.
And I hope that whatever happens in life, even if these "blessings" are taken away from me, I'll still continue to be thankful. I've been given so much. I really deserve nothing.