Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Sugar and Spice...

I've never been a typical girl. I never had a dance recital, did not play with dolls or barbies, I prefer technology over jewelry, David KNOWS never to buy me roses for Valentine's day, I never wore dresses every day like my own daughter insists on. Fashion (obviously!) has never interested me. I love having a daughter but I know absolutely nothing about doing her hair or even parting it straight. A friend of mine can do wonderful french braids and all kinds of neat things but I can't even do that on a doll's hair. Thus, my daughter's hair is always cut short.

I mean, I did things almost "girly". I played flute and piccolo, how girly of an instrument can one get? I even was the ingenue in The Importance of Being Earnest. I had a perm at least once and even went to 3 proms in High School. Possibly the most ultimate "girl" thing I've done (besides give birth, ha!) was being a cheerleader in college. But even there I was the most anti girl cheerleader that existed, not to mention seriously athletically impaired but I was top of the pyramid, solely on the basis of my size. (ah, to be a size 2 again!)

Some women can do everything. They're just amazing. Others excel at something that makes me say "I wish I could do that." I go to craft night and am in awe of the creativity and painstaking detail of some of the crafts, or the design savvy of some of the scrapbookers. Some women can cook or bake the most amazing meals or confections! I read others blogs like my friend Maxine and marvel at her patience, dedication and wisdom in cultivating the best in her kindergartener. Others I admire for a myriad of different traits; their ability to lead, or teach, their gentleness or dedication, their hospitality, encouragement, discernment, patience, I could go on and on.

In a previous "Bible study" I was in (Captivating by Stasi Eldredge) it extolled the virtues of being a woman. I think I already quoted in a different post that we are the "crown" of creation..... the universe would not be complete without me! (don't ask me what I think of that) But she asserted that every women longed for 3 things: To be romanced, play an irreplaceable role in a grand adventure, and to unveil beauty. In a way, I think it's cruel to generalize that "all" women want these things; I already felt a bit left out and this reaffirmed it. Some just chided I was in denial but I'm not sure that's true. Does every girl truly dream of being a princess? Around the same time my couples/marriage group was broken into groups to list what we thought was most important for men/women.

I just did not seem to identify with much of what we came up with. I half-seriously mentioned that what women really want is WiFi. (this is before I had my own iPhone) People laughed.

Really though, I don't identify with any of the "core longings" Stasi addresses in her Captivating "study". I hadn't even watched 25% of the movies listed and used to further her illustrations. (there were over 100 mentioned in the book I believe) I complained and the answer I got was "maybe I should watch them". NO!!!!! See the point is, I'm not a chick flick person. I'm odd. I'm strange. I don't fit in. I'm not saying Chick Flicks are bad; if you love them, that's great. That's actually my point: I don't belong. I don't buy a ton of shoes, don't change my outfit 3 times before going out, I don't spend more than 20 minutes on my hair and make-up EVER. (I know; what make-up? It's non existent too) I've never been to a spa and have only gotten a manicure once in my life and that was for my wedding.

I know that we're all different and that's a wonderful, beautiful thing, but is it beautiful? Do other women view this as wonderful? Or just odd? Because I usually just feel odd. There's supposed to be a bond of sisterhood, it's glorified in books and movies and I just don't get it. But books and movies aren't real life so perhaps I'm assuming that there's some semblance of utopia out there for all the "normal" women that I'm not privy to. But perhaps all the "normal" and "amazing" women also feel a bit left out, a bit isolated and something of a misfit as well.

So perhaps I have more in common than I realize?


  1. we were separated at birth except that you were born YEARS later!! love this post. honestly what i love is that you dig deeper. (oh, but i do love shoes)

  2. I am impressed at how many posts you type to my, maybe, once a week.
    I believe, to some extent, we all feel different and odd when we compare ourselves to others. The thing I've learned about that is that you are comparing your internal self, with all the negative self-talk and insecurities, and doubts, and past experiences, to an external self that looks good on the outside but you don't have a clue what is happening inside. So, is it a fair comparison? I think not. You will always fall short. It's more like apples to oranges. Accepting ourselves with our quirkiness and all is the right path to joy and contentment IMHO. Silvia, your forever guest :)

  3. Oh, I forgot! I LOVE your wedding pictures!! Silvia